by Jennifer Wolkin | May 10, 2015 | Brain Health, Wellness
This coming week (May 10-16) is National Women’s Health Week!
It feels extraordinarily important for me to write this relevant post. My BrainCurves wellness community was founded on the hope of creating awareness around the fact that men and women have different minds, bodies, and brains, and therefore, need equally unique mental health guidance.
Even just as recent as the last few decades of the 20th century, scientists legitimately thought that women were just smaller versions of men in all ways, except for in their ability to reproduce. This idea was most blatantly manifested in all-male basic research studies. Female mice and rats were almost never used for clinical trials, because, as many researchers have said, “the menstrual cycle would just create confounds”. If this isn’t a red flag that specialized women’s wellness information was not only scarce, but also clearly needed, then I don’t know what is!
It is exactly that menstrual cycle “dilemma” which speaks to our differences. Menstruating means a cascade of different and uniquely feminine hormones that contextualize our brains throughout our development. In her book, The Female Brain, Louann Brizendine, M.D. emphasizes the “What we’ve found is that the female brain is so deeply affected by hormones, that their influence can be said to create a woman’s reality.”
Yes, her reality. That is no small thing!
Our hormone’s can literally create a shift in the way we feel about our world, our futures, our relationships, and ourselves. A brain that has just felt grounded and centered, can switch on a dime to feeling irritable, and frustrated, and engaging in negative self-speak and discourse.
Now, imagine that this switch doesn’t happen merely once a month, but also throughout a woman’s lifespan: from girlhood, adolescence, possible motherhood, to menopause, the latter of which then exposes an entirely new traversable terrain. Differentiating hormones are so potent, that as a girl enters puberty, rates of depression relative to boys begin their 2:1 ratio ascent.
Here’s the bottom line. Different is more than OK. Yet, that difference needs to be recognized so that we can all cultivate an increased sense of compassion and sensitivities for what our neuro-hormonal milieu can elicit. Ultimately, with awareness of difference, more precise and fitting treatment for the plethora of mind-body-brain difficulties we all endure can be a reality.
Here are Five Actions That Will Help You Through Difficult “Hormonal Realities:”
- Self-Compassion: Above all, have some compassion for what your mind-brain-body endure. You are NOT your hormones, and the ability to be kind to yourself will help you ride the waves.
- Self-Care: Listen to your mind-brain-body and heed its call! Need more rest today? Take it!
- Self-Advocate: Talk to your doctor and other health professionals thoroughly about how you feel and how your mind-body-brain health seems to fluctuate in synch with hormonal changes. Ask questions, ask for holistic guidance, and if you are not given the space for this, think about seeking out a practitioner that listens.
- Self-Soothe: Stress reduction techniques will be particularly important during a time when you don’t feel balanced. Mindful-breathing is just one of many ways to relax mind-body-brain so that you feel more grounded. From this more grounded place, you will have a clearer vision of how to take care of yourself, advocate on your own behalf, and generate self-compassion.
- Connect Your Self: Allowing yourself to reach out to others who understand and have experienced similar difficulties is one of the best ways to foster any kind of mind-body-brain wellness. Community is a place where healing is made possible by connecting oneself to others.
How do you cope through more difficult times? How do you think the uniquely feminine brain impacts upon mind-body-brain wellness?
Please share your thoughts or story in a comment or email DrJen@BrainCurves.com
Happy Women’s Health Week. Let’s Thrive!
Dr. Jen
by Jennifer Wolkin | Mar 16, 2015 | Brain Health, Wellness
This post is in honor of Brain Awareness Week
Celebrated March 16-22.
Why is the Brain important?
The Brain is the grand conductor of the Symphony of Our Selves! That’s right. The Brain leads mind and body, and the Brain heeds mind and body. The Brain plays a role in every thought, feeling, and body sensation we experience. That includes every twitch, every blink, every strum of a guitar, every orgasm. That also includes every dream, passion, fear, joy, and deepest desire.
The Brain is the big boss and on top of that, it has a lot of nerve too!
Seriously speaking, the brain and the spinal cord make up the Nervous System, composed of billions of nerve cells (i.e. neurons) that speak back and forth between the brain and body. What’s the convo like? Well, the Nervous System is at least bilingual, and speaks both electrically and chemically. The latter refers to neurotransmission of substances like norepinephrine, dopamine and serotonin, which we know play a huge role in our mood functioning, among a lot of other things.
The neuro-nutshell is really just THIS: Miraculous.
Every memory you consolidated last night while you slept, each micro-movement used to brush your teeth this morning, every smoothie you tasted, step you took, daydream you pondered, daydream you snapped out of, work you intently focused upon, yawn you took, anxiety you felt, drop in blood sugar you experienced was a manifestation of lots of talking. A plethora of dialogue went on inside of you today, and you need to know it!
Why is it so important to know how much chatter the brain is doing?
To be mindful of the orchestration of our internal states (some in reaction to the external, some not) is to be mindful of the essentiality of nourishing our brains.
How do we nourish the Brain?
The latest scientific research shows: Neuroplasticity, the idea that new neurons can be created, makes it very possible for lifestyle to play a big role, no matter your age, in maintaining and improving brain function. Of course, as always, nature and nurture dance an exquisite but complex dance, and so there is never one solution or one cause and effect paradigm when it comes to your wellness.
Yet, there is something each of us can do to help our Brains stay vital:
- Reduce your stress levels (and SO much else) by practicing Mindful Meditation
- Get the blood a pumpin’ around up there via Exercise
- Use it, so you don’t Lose it, by engaging in Mental Stimulation
- Literally nourish your brain with Balanced Nutrition
- Stay positively connected to yourself and others by Socializing
Remember. When your Brain Thrives, YOU Thrive.
How will you make one change in your life today towards Brain Health? Share your thoughts in a comment below.
by Jennifer Wolkin | Mar 9, 2015 | Wellness
I am every woman
who serves our country on the front lines
of trauma
who goes through puberty
awkward ashamed and framed
by mother nature
who feels stigmatized or satirized
as latter-day hysterics
made to think it is all in our heads
and
you are every woman
who gives birth to a hungry child
in war-torn Africa
who loses an ovary
or a breast or a uterus
to cancer or just to life
who cycles as each mood
is manifested by screaming hormones
and
she is every woman
who drinks to numb the pain
of post-partum lows
who feels betrayed by the body
as she ages physically but not in spirit
who binges and starves
behind society’s billboard of expectations
but
we are every woman
who dreams outside
of the box
who prays
eyes closed lips moving
who cries viscerally
laying in a fetal position
from a broken heart
or mind or body or soul
but
we are every woman who rises up-
every time. everywhere.
***
Who is a woman you are grateful for? Look up to? Respect? Tell us about the special woman in your lives and why they are EVERY Woman…
Let’s Thrive,
Dr. Jen
by Jennifer Wolkin | Feb 11, 2015 | Relationships, Wellness
Love is a construct that has been the subject of (and muse for) many artistic, poetic and philosophical gestures since humanity existed, almost like a preoccupation. Yet, what is it about love that elicits such a universal outpouring of sentiment? What IS this love that permeates our heart, minds, and souls-our dreams, our fantasies, our imaginations? Many psychologists and even neuroscientists have posited many different models of what love is and isn’t, which often include our neurochemistry.
Here’s what we know in a nutshell: There is no single definition or way to explain what love is. It’s a visceral emotion that is often unpredictable, overwhelming, and indescribable.
As a psychologist in clinical practice, many of my clients struggle with all different kinds of questions for cupid, but most focus on how to build healthy romantic relationships. A relationship is a coming together to express and engage in love that is shared.
Love, as we know, is mostly intangible, but a relationship is a tangible reflection of the love experienced by two people. If we understand our relationships, we are equipped to notice the nature of our love, and to ascertain whether or not it is serving us. Some relationships are healthy. Others are toxic.
How can we differentiate between a healthy vs. toxic relationship?
There are many differences, but here are some standout clues to better understand the nature of your current relationship or even a future one.
DO YOU AND YOUR PARTNER:
1. Share Dreams or Lose Dreams?
In a healthy relationship, there is support for one’s own dreams, and a union or coming together of shared ones. In a toxic relationship, individual dreams are surrendered and sacrificed for the other. A relationship like this takes and takes, instead of nurturing and cultivating. The toxicity becomes paramount when we can no longer find our own voice.
2. Give to Give or Give to Get?
In a healthy relationship, both people desire to give to one another without any expectation of something in return. Giving is an act of love and an act of trust, as in “I am unconditionally here for you”. In a toxic relationship, giving is usually a way to get something back; there always needs to be a return investment. A price must be made to be cared for, as needs are only met with expectation of reciprocal benefit.
3. Seek To Know or Seek To Change?
In a healthy relationship, there is a desire to truly know one another each day on a more intimate level. Yet, knowing someone deeply, means knowing their vulnerabilities, and in a healthy context, the knowing is paired with wholehearted nonjudgmental acceptance. In a toxic relationship, the goal is not on knowing someone, but on changing someone to conform to a certain projection or a non-existent ideal.
4. Fight to Repair or Fight for Revenge?
Every relationship has some conflict. In fact, conflict if often a sign of passion and commitment as opposed to indifference. In a healthy relationship, conflict is a chance to grow toward one another, and to genuinely create a more effective and loving dyad. In a toxic relationship, conflict is not genuine, nor is it growth oriented. Every conflict becomes an opportunity for payback, revenge, blame, manipulation, control and rejection.
5. Create Privacy or Betray Privacy?
In a healthy relationship, there is a sense of sacredness. There is a “space” that is off limits to anyone else but you two. It is the unspoken nuances of your relationship’s inner life. This includes going that extra mile to protect your partner’s vulnerabilities. In a toxic relationship, nothing feels sacred. Private intimate moments and shared experiences are unprotected and visible to anyone. Weaknesses and vulnerabilities are mockingly exposed to the outside world.
—
Make Valentine’s Day an opportunity to strengthen your healthy relationship, or become more aware of a toxic one. If you aren’t clear, ask a more objective party or even a therapist. Although love can’t truly be defined, keep in mind that relationships are tangible expressions of the quality of love you are experiencing.
What are your thoughts about other ways to differentiate between healthy and toxic relationships? What are your thoughts about love and relationships in general? Look forward to YOUR comments…Let’s start an important conversation!!!
Let’s Thrive,
Dr. Jen
by Jennifer Wolkin | Dec 12, 2014 | Wellness
Wellness Lovers,
Most of us have been trained to think that yes and no are completely opposite constructs. The former usually has positive connotation, and the latter, negative. When we are told NO, by a partner, family member, boss, or even our higher power, most of us feel rejected in some way.
Trust me; I know first-hand how the resonance of No can viscerally and pervasively sting. It often feels like a blow right to our gut, our literal viscera, which happens to house our second, but equally as potent brain. A blow to our core, both our metaphorical center we are told to find in yoga class, and our basic belief system. Receiving a No response has an uncanny way of instigating our inevitable human neocortex nagging: the “I’m not good, worthy, deserving, lovable enough anyway” thought loop. Basically, what I’m saying is this: hearing No hurts. Like hell. Sometimes like more than whatever we think hell hurts like.
The reality, though, is that this is only a perceived rejection.
There is infinite possibility in the word NO. No lets us Know. No is a direct message announcing to us that whatever it is we had been hoping for was actually not right for us! Whether it was a relationship we thought we couldn’t live without, or a promotion we thought would make our work-life more satisfying, if the answer is No, we can be unequivocally certain that those things would not lead us to the fulfillment of our deepest desires, and would therefore not be in our best interest.
Sometimes we go from yes to yes because those yes’s are crucial to our journey. Without certain yes’s, we would not have, for example, dated the ex who made us realize we won’t accept being treated without respect. When the answer is No, not only do we learn to seek the right opportunities, where yes’s abound, but we clearly also don’t need that person, thing, promotion, to learn a new lesson or the same one over again.
The bottom line is that the perceived rejection of a NO is one of the worst feelings in life. In fact, some kinds of rejections hurt so much that they activate the same brain systems as physical injury does. There is no way to get around the pain.
But, one way to feel more peace of mind is to take a step back after that initial sting, and consciously remind ourselves that hearing No has Nada to do with our intrinsic worth. In fact, No is really a YES!…to moving onward and upward.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights, experiences, and guidance in the comments below.
Let’s Thrive,
Dr. Jen @BrainCurves
by Jennifer Wolkin | Oct 18, 2014 | Wellness
Once upon a time, during my postdoc, I became intrigued by the notion of personal narratives. As a psychologist, I always knew that obtaining at least some sense of one’s history is important to contextualize current difficulty. But this understanding felt different. This was a realization that language naturally becomes a way in which we come to understand ourselves in the context of the great big universe we are a part of.
One moment in time becomes another, and many moments strung together make a day, and then a year, and then many years. In parallel to that, our words become full sentences, and then paragraphs and pretty soon we have chapters.
As usually happens when I become intrigued by something, I did some research. What that really means is that I perused peer-reviewed journals, read many blog posts, and made a point to be mindful to personal experience I either had or witnessed (anecdotal stuff!)
Here are a few things I came up with. Let’s delve in together!
Actually writing about our emotional experiences influences our health
This is true for many reasons including:
1. By writing about emotional experiences we simply become more health conscious and then ideally change our behaviors. Seeing things in writing can lead to “Oh, I didn’t realize, but I can be more proactive in this way or that way…”
2. Just the act of expressing something in it of itself has been shown to be beneficial to our health. Get this…this is sometimes true even more so for expressive writing (verbal) than expression through movement (non-verbal)!
3. The act of converting emotions and images into written words can change the way we organize and think about traumatic experiences we’ve had. Through writing, we have the chance to integrate our sometimes-fragmented thoughts and feelings into a cohesively constructed narrative. Once that is formed, the traumatic event can be better understood linearly in our memories, and then better integrated into our every day lives. Basically, when experiences are translated into language, it becomes something we can grasp.
We each have a unique story
How do I know this, you ask?! Well, if I ever doubt it, I am reminded every single day when I sit with many patients back to back. Yes, people technically struggle with the “same” thing, for example depression, but EVEN when they have the same check-boxed criteria, their struggle is different. The same is true for positive experiences. Why? Simply put, because you are you and no one else is.
No one has the same lens through which we perceive our existence and interact with the world, which has evolved over our lives amidst all the people and places in it.
We have a say in how our story unfolds
You are the protagonist. So own it! Research shows that when you construct your narrative with yourself as the leading person, opting for the driver’s seat instead of shotgun, your mental health is improved.
Here’s the even more amazing thing…
We can CHANGE our story at any time. We can’t delete certain paragraphs that ooze with negative facts and daunting realities. We can’t cut out chapters that we rather have not had. They will always be there, and that’s ok. Research suggests that the actual experiences we have are less impactful than the story we tell ourselves about them.
At any single moment, we can change our scripts of helplessness and hopelessness, and move beyond them by empowering ourselves to do just that.
Are you ready try to write our stories from a different perspective, with a new belief system a la I AM enough/worthy/capable/lovable? I look forward to hearing your thoughts…please comment below and let’s get this convo started!
Let’s Thrive,
Dr. Jen @BrainCurves
